Saturday, February 28, 2009

Before Amador tragedy, daughter told of sex abuse by dad

Before Amador tragedy, daughter told of sex abuse by dad

South Dade dad kills wife, two teen daughters and himself; son escapes

A former tenor with the Greater Miami Opera chorus shot and killed his wife and two daughters Wednesday morning as his 16-year-old son fled their South Miami-Dade home, Miami-Dade police said.

 

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South Dade dad kills wife, two teen daughters and himself; son escapes

A former tenor with the Greater Miami Opera chorus shot and killed his wife and two daughters Wednesday morning as his 16-year-old son fled their South Miami-Dade home, Miami-Dade police said.

 

BY JENNIFER LEBOVICH
jlebovich@MiamiHerald.com

A few weeks before Pablo Josue Amador shot and killed his wife and two daughters before taking his own life, 14-year-old Priscila Amador told two classmates her father had molested her since she was in elementary school.

One student advised her mother of the allegation and then told reporters about it outside the Amador home in Perrine on Wednesday, hours after the killings. The other classmate alerted her father, who told The Miami Herald on Thursday that Priscila had given a ''desperate'' letter to his daughter before her death.

The father, who said he was ''shocked'' when he read the letter, asked not to be named to protect his daughter's identity. He said police came to his house after the killings and took the letter.

Police say Amador, 54, shot and killed his wife, Maria Joy, 47, and daughters, Rosa, 13, and Priscila, shortly before 6 a.m. Wednesday inside their Palmetto Country Club Estates home. Son Javier called 911 and fled, unharmed. Bea, the eldest child, was not home.

The deaths rattled neighbors and classmates at Southwood Middle School, where a 2004 murder shocked students and staff. Eighth-grader Jaime Gough was stabbed to death in a bathroom of the Palmetto Bay magnet school by his friend Michael Hernandez, then 14.

Thursday, students brought flowers, teddy bears and cards for a makeshift memorial on the Amadors' lawn as the abuse allegations began to surface.

Marcela Cojulun, 14, a close friend and classmate at Southwood, said Wednesday that Priscila had recently told her that her dad had molested her for years, since she was between 6 and 8 years old.

''She was telling me . . . throughout her life her dad would sexually abuse her. She was done with it and she didn't want to live,'' Marcela said.

Marcela said she told her mother what Priscila had said about the molestation. Marcela's mother, Gloria Cano, told reporters Marcela advised her of the allegations about a month ago and that she wishes now she had acted.

''I really regret it,'' Cano said.

``I don't know if I was the only adult. I don't know if this would have stopped. I don't have words.''

It's unclear if Priscila had told anyone else about the allegations, Marcela said.

UPSET AT SCHOOL

The father of the second classmate said his daughter told him about the allegations about two weeks ago, and that Priscila had been upset in school.

''When I read the letter she wrote she was a desperate person,'' the father said.

Marcela said Priscila had been ''emotionless'' the past few days at school and asked her friend ''to pray for her.'' Marcela said she encouraged Priscila to speak with someone about the abuse.

''I tried to be as positive as I could with her,'' Marcela said. ``I told her I loved her and to stay strong. I said she had to talk to somebody about this. She said she was too chicken to talk to her mom about it.''

She also said that Priscila had become so despondent that she had recently cut herself in two places.

''She couldn't take any more, being sexually abused,'' Marcela said.

Priscila recently wrote a post on MySpace.com that suggested she was experiencing personal problems but did not mention molestation.

''I have gone through so much and yet I still try to stand tall, because this whole world is coming down on me, and me blocking it hurts more and more,'' she wrote. ``That's why I don't care anymore.''

Miami-Dade police would not talk about the abuse allegation Thursday, but they said they are looking at all possible motives.

''We will follow up on [the molestation claim] like any other possible lead until we are able to come to the conclusion as to what caused this individual to commit such violent acts,'' said Detective Alvaro Zabaleta, a Miami-Dade police spokesman.

Officials from the state Department of Children and Families said records show the agency had no prior contact with the family.

The Rev. Brian Carr, pastor at Perrine-Peters United Methodist Church, where the family attended weekly services, said he was unaware of any molestation allegations.

''I had no inkling that anything was wrong. I don't want to get into it. I know nothing about any of this,'' he said.

The surviving Amador children -- Javier, 16, and Bea, 20, a University of Miami student -- were unable to be reached for comment.

SCHOOL'S DEJA VU

The Hernandez incident five years ago lingered in the minds of Southwood's teachers and administrators as they processed the news of Wednesday's killings.

''Even though this didn't happen at the school, this was an extension of who we were,'' said Justin Koren, one of Javier Amador's language arts teachers. ``Once that happened, we're no longer teaching English. We were teaching life.''

Koren joined the school a year after Jamie's murder and eventually wrote a play inspired by the incident about how a school copes with shattering tragedy.

Priscila's and Rosa's friends were dismissed from class Wednesday to deal with their grief. Crisis counselors have been deployed to the school and are expected to be there Friday as well.

''The day after is almost worse,'' Koren said. ``You have shock on day one and the reality sets in on day two. We just have to be here together.''

Miami Herald staff writers Patricia Mazzei and David Ovalle contributed to this report.

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Comments: 80     Showing: Oldest first Newest first Most-recommended first Least-recommended first

  • oldbeat777 wrote on 02/28/2009 01:18:59 AM:

    When I first heard this story, I assumed the family might have suffered a tremendous financial setback due to the economic situation. But learning of alleged molestation of the daughter by the father, makes this case more heartwrenching. This is what I have to say to 'any child being abused' by your parents or anyone:
    When you're home alone, especially at night and it's dark in your room, get down by your bed and say a prayer; and God will keep you in His care. When the door squeaks open and a strange dark shadow's on the corridor wall, hurry flick on the light and stand tall. Though you may feel nervous and scared, scream as loud as you can, to ward off the evil and treacherous man. If the callous person still advances and violate your space, just stare them in the face, and let them know, to the police you will go!!!!!
    God please protect our children. Give them the courage to report abuse to a teacher, adult relative, and police.
    With deepest sympathy.

  • ShesmySarah wrote on 02/27/2009 09:08:39 PM:

    Ultimately, the father is responsible for this tragedy. He made the choice to murder his family. However, those people who had any inkling that something horrible was happening to those children had a responsibility to make it known to authorities if not the school district. Maybe this could've been prevented.

  • american4 wrote on 02/27/2009 08:52:34 PM:

    Both parents that knew made poor judgement by not reporting it immediately. This is a wakeup call, always get involved when children are in trouble. But dont blame them, it was the father who did this. They are only at fault for poor judgement and have to live with this. My prayers are with these two parents to forgive yourself. And to teach us to always speak out even if it turns out not true. And to the two surviving siblings. There is alot of people praying for you. God bless us all.

  • TeresaL wrote on 02/27/2009 08:28:21 PM:

    Jezebel, with all due respect, your grabbin at straws. I think you are confused regarding the meaning of hearsay. This is not about hearsay. The mother of one of th girls went on record with the reporter and said her daughter told her. The mother did not report the comments to the proper authorities. It was not for her to decide if the comments were true or false, she had to tell the authorities, so they could make that call. The father of the other child said there was a letter. The article reports that the police took the letter. It is up to the police to invesitgate the authenticity of the letter. The point of the article is not whether she was abused or not. The point is that two parents admitted on the record that they had prior knowledge and that neither parent did anything to report it. The two parents made comments directly to the reporter. Those comments did not pass through the grapevine. I'm sorry but you are wrong. Now the police will do their jobs.

  • monafea123 wrote on 02/27/2009 07:39:48 PM:

    If this man had nothing to hide why would he kill very body . I'm sure the girl told her mother and her mother confronted the father maybe she told him she will take the girl to the doctor to see if it was true and if it was she will put him in jail and he got scare of the truth coming out and the shame that his mask will come off and killed everybody cause he was selfish by doing this to his daughter and he was selfish to be discover and go to jail so he took everybody life for them not to talk . But he did not know his Pricilla had given a letter to a friend and talked about it with friends and the truth came out anyway .

  • Jezebel wrote on 02/27/2009 06:05:59 PM:

    Since when is hearsay not hearsay? The reporter sais, Mrs. Cano words were that her daughter told her that the friend said... If that is not hearsay, then what is!
    Until the police investigators find some proof --or at least say that there is some indication to the possibility-- but not even that... there has been nothing except reporters saying that this lady or the other said their daughters said that their schoolfriend victim told them... And then there's the famous letter, which the police took; do you know what the letter sais?
    Have some faith, people!

  • TeresaL wrote on 02/27/2009 05:19:43 PM:

    Jezebel the fact is that Mrs. Cano says her daughter told her a month ago, and now she really regrets it. Those are Mrs. Cano's words to the reporter, not hearsay, or rumor. The woman was quoted. I agere, you cannot believe everything the press tells you. But this is a direct quote from the parent. Mrs. Cano might think about finding an attorney. So your point about the media does not apply in this instance.

  • TeresaL wrote on 02/27/2009 04:57:12 PM:

    KatyMay you say that "often these allegations are made to lash out at a parent as a dramatic appeal for attention" and "stop blaming the parents who failed to report". If you know anything about the laws that were made to protect children from abuse, you would know that first and formost is the safety of the child. In the eyes of the law, the childs rights take precedent over all else. Either way you cut it, if she was abused or if she was lying, the child needs help. These two parents failed her and their own children who confided in them miserably, and for that there is no excuse.

  • odalys2004 wrote on 02/27/2009 03:51:24 PM:

    Replying to JfST (02/27/2009 08:39:40 AM):
    "Immigrant your hearts in the right place and i agree, But posters like "odalys2004" will just post and not care if the surviving brother and sister come on here and read things like "This Jerk should have just killed himself and let the rest live.". No matter how good or how bad the man was, he was...":

    oh Im just the only one that wrote something soooooo bad. Please read on you idiot

  • ronedee wrote on 02/27/2009 03:45:15 PM:

    At the very least...these people who knew, should've let the school know about the abuse. It's a sad thing that is happening to our children. And NO ONE wants to get involved!

    THEY ARE JUST AS GUILTY!

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“Jana Mackey Day in Kansas” March 8th

For Immediate Release February 27, 2009


March 8th - “Jana Mackey Day in Kansas”


Hays, KS – In the coming days Kansas lawmakers will be joining Governor Kathleen Sebelius in recognizing International Women’s Day on March 8th by honoring a recent victim and fatality of domestic violence.


Jana Mackey, a 25 year old KU law student was murdered by her ex-boyfriend last July in Lawrence. Jana was well known throughout Kansas for her work on many women’s issues.
Governor Sebelius has signed a proclamation recognizing March 8th as a “Jana Mackey Day in Kansas.”


On March 5th Senator Janis Lee (D-Kensington) and Senator Marci Francisco (D-Lawrence) will be sponsoring a resolution honoring Mackey. On the House side, Representative Eber Phelps (D-Hays), Representative Barbara Ballard (D-Lawrence), and Representative Paul Davis (D-Lawrence) will be presenting Mackey’s family with a formal certificate on March 9th.


Mackey, who grew up in Hays, had spent endless hours volunteering to aid victims of sexual assault and domestic violence. She had also served three years as one of the youngest lobbyists at the Kansas Capitol with the National Organization for Women.
After her death, Mackey’s family and friends established a national campaign to help her service live on through others. Symbolic of the number of people who attended her funeral, the Eleven Hundred Torches campaign urges hundreds of ordinary citizens to serve others.


Governor Sebelius has joined the campaign and is calling on all Kansans to set aside time on March 8th to volunteer in their communities.
Special volunteer events are being planned in Hays and in Lawrence on that day.
International Women’s Day began in 1908 with a 15,000 women’s march through New York City calling for equal voting and work rights for women. In 1913 the event was officially scheduled as March 8th. Today International Women’s Day is celebrated world-wide and is an official holiday in 15 nations.


For more information about Eleven Hundred Torches, see their website at www.1100torches.org

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Maternal Deprivation

MOTHER ABSENCE: (FATHER CUSTODY, STEPMOTHERS, DAYCARE)
THE MYTHS AND THE FACTS

In orange: what the pundits, spin-meisters, and study summarizers SAY the studies have found (frequently interposed with could-bes, should-bes, what-ifs, comments, faulty conclusions, and suppositions without cites), and, in black: what the research actually says!


The Problem with DaycareMyth -- Studies have shown that nonmaternal care, e.g. daycare, has no ill effects.

Fact: Nonmaternal care of babies and preschool children has been linked to behavioral problems at older ages.

Jay Belsky, Deborah Lowe Vandell, Margaret Burchinal, K. Alison Clarke-Stewart, Kathleen McCartney, Margaret Tresch Owen, The NICHD Early Child Care Research Network (2007) Are There Long-Term Effects of Early Child Care? Child Development 78 (2), 681-701.


Myth -- Children who are older do not benefit from stay-home mothers; mothers should be back to work full-time once children are in school.

Fact: Work and school hours rarely coincide, especially when one adds in the time eaten up in commuting, occasional overtime, work brought home, and career wardrobe and appearance maintenance. It creates an almost inevitable problem of not only latchkey kids, but also reduced supervision or else excessive after-school daycare time. It's also incompatible with school holidays, teacher conference days, daytime parental participation and volunteerism in schools, and child sickdays. Finally, what is rarely recognized or understood by those who have never been full-time primary caregivers, is that full-time maternal work also means that when children are not in school, the mother's time remains preoccupied doing all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, organizing, and other homemaking chores and errands that otherwise would have been accomplished during the six or seven hours a day the children were in school.

See generally, http://www.thelizlibrary.org/liz/021.htm

Fact: [M]aternal employment (during a child's adolescent years) significantly decreases grades.

Baum, Charles L. The Long-Term Effects of Early and Recent Maternal Employment on a Child's Academic Achievement, Journal of Family Issues, Vol. 25, No. 1, 29-60 (2004) DOI: 10.1177/0192513X03255461 SAGE Publications. http://jfi.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/25/1/29


Myth -- Stepmothers are acceptable substitutes for children's real mothers. [This is the cherished belief of many re-coupled nonprimary caregiving fathers who seek custody, and also of the custody evaluators who indulge them.]

Fact: "It has been consistently found that stepfamilies are not as close as nuclear families (Kennedy, 1985; Pill, 1990) and that stepparent-stepchild relationships are not as emotionally close as parent-child relationships (Ganong & Coleman, 1986; Hetherington & Chlingempeel, 1992, Hobart, 1989) Many clinicians and researchers assume that stepfamilies tend to become closer over time. However, previous longitudinal studies conducted on stepfamilies have found little empirical support for this (Hetherington & Clingempeel, 1992; Kurdek, 1991).

"Exploring the Stepgap: How Parents' Ways of Coping with Daily Family Stressors Impact Stepparent-Stepchild Relationship Zuality in Stepfamilies," by Melady Preece. University of British Columbia. (1996) http://www.psych.ubc.ca/~mpreece/compdoc.pdf

Fact: "The one most significant factor that neutralizes the advantages of remarrying is the psychological dilemma the child goes through over whom to love. The child seems to be polarized, for example, between loving the woman (the mother) who is now, as it usually happens, hated by the father, and the new woman (the stepmother) whom the father deeply loves. Virginia Rutter describes this conflict as "divided loyalty". She further explains that the child feels torn because their parents are pulling them in opposite directions. The symptoms of this divided royalty are that they brew up bad behavior or depression, a forced psychological path to resolve the conflict between the parents (Rutter). On the other hand children whose parents remain single do not experience this because no new figure (stepparent) is introduced to trigger that psychological trauma."

"Reconstituted families vs Single-Parent Families." http://wl.middlebury.edu/derick/ ; Rutter, Virginia. "Lessons From Stepfamilies". Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers, Inc. May-June 1994 Vol27 n3 p30 (10). Oct. 31, 2002.

Fact: "Adolescents, however, would rather separate from the family as they form their own identities. "The developmental needs of the adolescent are at odds with the developmental push of the new stepfamily for closeness and bonding,".

Id. Also see "NEW PERSPECTIVES ON STEPFAMILIES:STEP IS NOT A FOUR LETTER WORD," by Susan Gamache, M.A., R.C.C.* STEPFAMILIES, Fall 1994 http://www.saafamilies.org/education/articles/prof/gameche.htm

Fact: "Only about 20% of adult stepkids feel close to their stepmoms, says the pioneering work of E. Mavis Hetherington involving 1,400 families of divorce, some studied almost 30 years. 'The competition between non-custodial mothers and stepmothers was remarkably enduring," she writes in For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered. 'Only about one-third of adult children think of stepmoms as parents,' suggests Constance Ahrons' 20-year research project. Half regard their stepdads as parents. About 48% of those whose moms had remarried were happy with the new union. Only 29% of those whose dads had remarried liked the idea of a stepmom.'

"Stepmoms step up to the plate," by Karen S. Peterson, USA TODAY. 5/6/2002) http://www.usatoday.com/life/2002/2002-05-07-stepmom.htm

Fact: "Stepmothers have the most difficulty building a relationship with stepdaughters. There is generally less affection, less respect, and less acceptance in this relationship than in other stepfamily relationships. The daughter may resent the stepmother's closeness with her father... Attempts by the stepmother to fulfill her role in the stepfamily may be perceived by the stepdaughter as efforts to replace her mother."

"Building Step Relationships." Stepping Stones for Stepfamilies. http://www.extension.iastate.edu/Publications/PM1832.pdf

Fact: "Stepmothers are also found to have more problematic relationship with stepchildren; while children, particularly girls, also experience higher stress when they are living with their stepmothers. (Jacobson, 1987 in Visher & Visher, 1993). Visher & Visher (1979) suggested that teenage daughters identify strongly with their mothers and resent any woman who replaces their mother for the father's affection. Teenage daughters also exhibit much competitiveness with their stepmothers for their father's affection. These findings suggested that there are strong situational dynamics at work that create special relationship problems for stepmother families. Difficulty between the children's mother and stepmother has also been mentioned as a possible contribution to the greater stress in stepmother families. (Visher & Visher 1988)

"Exploring the Difficulties of stepmothers in the Hong Kong Chinese Society," by Kwok Yuen-ching, Lily.The Hong Kong Polytechnic University (1998) http://swforum.socialnet.org.hk/article/fulltext/990502.doc

Also see: Ganong & Coleman. Remarried Family Relatioships Sage Publications. (1994); Visher, J.S. & Visher, E.B. "Stepfamilies: A Guide To Working With Stepparents & Stepchildren." Brunner/Mazel New York (1979); Visher, J.S. & Visher, E.B. "Old Loyalties,New Ties." Therapeutic Strategies with Stepfamilies Brunner/Mazel New York (1988); Visher, J.S. & Visher, E.B. " Remarriage Families and Stepparenting" in Walsh, T. (ed.) Normal Family Processes. New York Guilford Press (1993); Vuchinich S. et al (1991) "Parent-Child Interaction and Gender Differences in Early Adolescents." Adaptation to Stepfamilies. Developmental Psychology 1991 Vol. 27, No.4; Smith, Donna. "Stepmothering." Harvester Wheatsheaf. New York (1990)

Michael Lamb says that fatherlessness is not really a risk.  It's about the relationship with the caregiving parent, the level of support a child receives, and the harmoniousness of the environment.Fact: "Children raised in families with stepmothers are likely to have less health care, less education and less money spent on their food than children raised by their biological mothers, three studies by a Princeton economist have found. The studies examined the care and resources that parents said they gave to children and did not assess the quality of the relationships or the parents' feelings and motives. But experts said that while the findings did not establish the image of the wicked stepmother as true, they supported the conclusion that, for complex reasons, stepmothers do invest less in children than biological mothers do, with fathers, to a large extent, leaving to women the responsibility for the family's welfare."

"Differences Found in Care With Stepmothers," by Tamar Lewin, Tim Shaffer for The New York Times Susan Sasse, vice president of the International Stepfamily Association, with her husband, Erik, and their children in Chesapeake City, Md. (August 17, 2000) http://www.geocities.com/thesagacontinues2000/stepmoms.html

Also see http://www.geocities.com/wellesley/9204/custody.html; and "What's Normal In a Stepfamily"? by Peter K. Gerlach, MSW. Board member Stepfamily Association of America http://sfhelp.org/04/reality3.htm

Also see: Children living with custodial fathers are less likely to have health insurance than children who live with their mothers. http://www.census.gov/prod/2003pubs/p60-224.pdf

Fact: "[C]hildren experiencing multiple transitions, experiencing them later in childhood, and those living in stepfamilies fared poorly in comparison with those living their entire childhood in stable single-parent families or moving into two-parent families with biological or adoptive parents. Other studies show benefits of stable single-parent living arrangements for children's socioemotional adjustment and global wellbeing (Acock & Demo, 1994), and deleterious effects of multiple transitions (Capaldi & Patterson, 1991; Kurdek, Fine, & Sinclair, 1995), supporting a life-stress perspective."

David H Demo, Martha J Cox (2000) Families With Young Children: A Review of Research in the 1990s Journal of Marriage and Family 62 (4), 876-895.

Fact: "[R]esearch suggests that being a stepparent is more difficult than raising one's own biological children, especially for stepmothers, and that stepmothers may compete with the child for the father's time and attention."

Pasley, K., & Moorefield, B. S. (2004). Stepfamilies: Changes and challenges. In M. Coleman & L. H. Ganong (Eds.), Handbook of contemporary families (pp. 317-330), cited in Valarie King (2007) When Children Have Two Mothers: Relationships With Nonresident Mothers, Stepmothers, and Fathers Journal of Marriage and Family 69 (5), 1178-1193.


Myth -- "The psychological literature indicates that children's overall adjustment following divorce does not differ between those living with custodial mothers versus custodial fathers. This finding holds true even with infants and young children." [Leighton E. Stamps, Ph.D. in Age Differences Among Judges Regarding Maternal Preference in Child Custody Decisions, referencing Mark Bornstein, HANDBOOK OF PARENTING (1995) http://aja.ncsc.dni.us/courtrv/cr38-4/CR38-4Stamps.pdf]

Fact: In a LaTrobe University therapeutic mediation study, McIntosh and Long found that the factors that most predicted children's poor emotional well-being one year after initial measurements were father's lower education, high conflict, shared care, and [a component of shared care] mother's low emotional availability during the year. Nonpredictors of children's emotional well-being included the mother's education, the amount of time since the parents' separation, and the father's relationship or closeness with the child.

      McIntosh, Jennifer E. and Caroline M. Long, Final Report: Child Inclusive Post-Separation Family Dispute Resolution, LaTrobe University (2006).


Myth -- Mother-absence is no different from father-absence; it's a single-parent family, and "gender" of the parent is irrelevant.

Fact: Gender may be irrelevant, but motherhood isn't. "...children residing without biological mothers fare worse than thosewithout biological fathers, across most outcomes. In addition, only longitudinal measures of mother absence directly influence school outcomes. The time lived away from the biological mother is related to adolescents' grades and school discipline, while the number of mother changes significantly reduces adolescents' college expectations."

"The Longitudinal Effects of Mother and Father Absence on Adolescent School Success." Population Association of America, Minneapolis, MN. (May 1-3, 2003)

Fact: "Using data from four national surveys, Biblarz and Raftery (1999) show that mother-absence is much more detrimental than father-absence to children's educational and occupational attainment. They find that once parents' socioeconomic status is taken into account, children raised by single mothers are much better off than children raised by single fathers or fathers and stepmothers, and are just as likely to succeed as children raised by both birth parents. Biblarz and Raftery conclude that the pattern of effects across family types and over time is consistent with an evolutionary perspective which emphasizes the importance of the birth mother in the provision of children's resources (Trivers 1972). According to this view, children raised by their birth mothers do better than children raised apart from their birth mothers. Furthermore, being raised by a single birth mother is better than being raised by a birth mother and step-father since step-fathers compete with children for mother's time and lower maternal investment."

Case, Anne, I-Fen Lin and Sara McLanahan. Educational Attainment in Blended Families, August 2000.

Fact: "Recent work on the determinants of children's human capital investments suggests that the absence of a child's birth mother puts the child at risk. Those investments that are typically made by a child's mother -- in food, health, and education, for example -- are made at a lower level when the child is raised by a non-birth mother."

Case, Anne, I-Fen Lin and Sara McLanahan. Educational Attainment in Blended Families, August 2000.

Fact: "[H]ypotheses posit that the impact of family structure on adolescent behavior is, in part, explained by the different types of communities within which families reside and that community characteristics moderate the impact of family structure on drug use. The results of multilevel regression models fail to support these hypotheses; adolescents who reside in single-parent or stepparent families are at heightened risk of drug use irrespective of community context. Moreover, adolescents who reside in single father families are at risk of both higher levels of use and increasing use over time. A significant community-level effect involves jobless men: Adolescents are at increased risk of drug use if they reside in communities with a higher proportion of unemployed and out-of-workforce men."

John P Hoffmann (2002) The Community Context of Family Structure and Adolescent Drug Use Journal of Marriage and Family 64 (2), 314?330.

Fact: "Some argue that single fathers adapt to single parenting by taking on more stereotypical "mothering" activities (Risman, 1987), making their involvement no different from that of single mothers. Downey (1994), however, finds that single mothers provide more interpersonal resources, whereas single fathers provide more economic resources. Given mothers' greater involvement in school activities, biological mother absence may have a more negative influence than biological father absence. Downey, Ainsworth-Darnell, and Dufur (1998) found mixed evidence of gender differences among single-parent families on a comprehensive list of child outcomes; all of the significant differences, however, occurred in educational measures and consistently showed a disadvantage for children living with single fathers... I find support for the hypothesis that, at least in early childhood, mother changes have more lasting influences on college expectations and school discipline than father changes..."

Holly E. Heard (2007) Fathers, Mothers, and Family Structure: Family Trajectories, Parent Gender, and Adolescent Schooling Journal of Marriage and Family 69 (2), 435-450.

Fact: "Some research... suggests that resident fathers may not be as involved with (Hawkins, Amato, & King, 2006), or as close to (Clarke-Stewart & Hayward, 1996), children as resident mothers and that resident stepmothers take over more parenting responsibilities than resident stepfathers do (Pryor & Rodgers, 2001). Consistent with this premise, Buchanan et al. (1996) report benefits of a close father-child relationship for adolescent outcomes in father-resident families but found these effects to be weaker than the benefits of a close mother-child tie in mother-resident families."

Valarie King (2007) When Children Have Two Mothers: Relationships With Nonresident Mothers, Stepmothers, and Fathers Journal of Marriage and Family 69 (5), 1178-1193.

Fact: "[Children's residing in single mother households was associated with a double risk of incarceration, but] youths from stepparent families are even more vulnerable to the risk of incarceration, especially those in father-stepmother households, which suggests that the re-marriage may present even greater difficulties for male children than father absence."

Cynthia C. Harper, Sara S. McLanahan. FATHER ABSENCE AND YOUTH INCARCERATON, Center for Research on Child Wellbeing, Princeton University, Working Paper #99-03. harperc@obgyn.ucsf.edu


Myth --  Who is "family" is based on biological ties.

Fact: "Family membership and parentage appear to be at least partially socially constructed, not based solely on biology or law, as structuralists would suggest... adult children did not perceive their stepmothers to be more fully family and parents than stepfathers... When current and former stepparents had coresided with adult children, they were perceived more fully as family and parent... No other study that we know of has examined this relationship before; it is generally assumed that once stepparents and biological parents divorce, relationships with stepchildren are dissolved. This research shows that this is not necessarily the case. This finding has important theoretical and policy implications. It is inconsistent with the argument that family structure is the driving force behind family function (Popenoe, 1999). Although structural factors were significant, associational factors were also important... "

Maria Schmeeckle, Roseann Giarrusso, Du Feng, Vern L Bengtson (2006) What Makes Someone Family? Adult Children's Perceptions of Current and Former Stepparents Journal of Marriage and Family 68 (3), 595?610.

Fact: "Adolescents who are closer to their nonresident mothers exhibited significantly fewer internalizing problems and marginally fewer externalizing problems than adolescents who are less close to them. Closeness to the resident stepmother was unrelated to either outcome. Further, these findings did not vary by adolescent gender, providing no evidence for the same gender hypothesis, nor did the influence of one parent depend on ties to another parent.
        "The stronger association between adolescent outcomes and ties to nonresident mothers compared with ties to stepmothers stands in contrast to the results reported in prior research on resident mother families where close ties to resident stepfathers are more strongly associated with positive adolescent outcomes than ties to nonresident biological fathers (King, 2006; White & Gilbreth, 2001), suggesting important differences in the role of nonresident parents and stepparents by gender.... An unanswered question for future research to explore is why close ties to resident stepmothers do not result in better outcomes for adolescents despite the fact that adolescents report being closer on average to resident stepmothers than to nonresident biological mothers and as close to nonresident biological mothers who maintain contact with their children."

Valarie King (2007) When Children Have Two Mothers: Relationships With Nonresident Mothers, Stepmothers, and Fathers Journal of Marriage and Family 69 (5), 1178-1193.


Myth -- Stepfathers are less engaged with their stepchildren than biological fathers are with their own offspring, and are more likely to injure or kill the children with whom they reside than are biological fathers.

Fact: This is not a myth. It's true. However "biological fathers were more likely to physically abuse their partners than were stepfathers or other men, and... children were more likely to witness IPV if it was perpetrated by their biological father instead of a stepfather (Sullivan et al., 2000)...
        "We found some support for our first hypothesis that biological fathers would be more likely than social fathers to report that they observed negative effects of IPV [on their children]... We also found support for our second hypothesis that biological fathers would be more likely to express worry about the long-term effect of their abuse on their children, particularly on female children. In response to our third hypothesis regarding parenting, co-parenting, and partner's ability to parent, we found that biological fathers were more likely than social fathers to report that abuse negatively affected their partners' ability to parent but not more likely to report that IPV made it more difficult to co-parent or that this abuse negatively affected their feelings about themselves as fathers. Finally, we found no support for our hypothesis that biological fathers would be more likely than social fathers to report that they would take action to stop their violence, seek professional help, or take other protective actions if they saw that their abuse was harming their children.
        "Our findings suggest a disconnect between biological fathers' professed concern for their children who are exposed to IPV and their intentions of changing their abusive behavior. If this finding is replicated in future investigations, the consequences for child custody decisions could be significant."

Emily F. Rothman, David G. Mandel and Jay G. Silverman. Abusers' Perceptions of the Effect of Their Intimate Partner Violence on Children, 1179 VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN 2007; 13; 1179, available at http://vaw.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/13/11/1179

Also see Hetherington, E., & Clingempeel, W. (1992). Coping with marital transitions: A family systems perspective. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 57(2-3, Serial No. 227), and Hetherington, E., & Jodl, K. (1994). Stepfamilies as settings for child development. In A. Booth & J. Dunn (Eds.), Stepfamilies: Who benefits? Who does not? (pp. 55-80). Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.


Myth -- Children feel closer to their divorced mothers than to their divorced fathers only because they are living with their mothers.

Fact: "Adolescents' ratings of closeness were much higher among resident than among nonresident parents, although nonresident mothers scored significantly higher on this variable than did nonresident fathers."

Daniel N. Hawkins, Paul R. Amato, Valarie King (2006) Parent-Adolescent Involvement: The Relative Influence of Parent Gender and Residence Journal of Marriage and Family 68 (1), 125?136.


Perception -- Fathers tend to direct their energies toward the children of the woman they love, unrelated to biological ties.

Fact: "New partners had little effect on mothers... For fathers, however, cohabiting or visiting with a new partner had a particularly detrimental effect on positive engagement [with their own children]... The difference between single fathers and those who had a new romantic partner is noteworthy, given that both groups were similar in that they lived apart from their child and did not have a romantic relationship with the biological mother... Fathers with a new partner who were engaging less in their children provide an interesting contrast to the result that mothers with a new cohabiting partner reported them to be higher than married, cohabiting, or visiting fathers on positive engagement and instrumental support. In essence, fathers with a new partner were interacting less with their children, yet men who found themselves thrust into the father role were interacting more."

      Christina M. Gibson-Davis, Family Structure Effects on Maternal and Paternal Parenting in Low-Income Families, Journal of Marriage and Family Volume 70 Issue 2, Pages 452 - 465 (2008)


Myth -- Single custodial fathers who have remarried are the primary caregiver of their children in the household.

Fact: Stepmothers are. "The general picture that emerged is that stepmothers and mothers had been the lead actors in the monitoring and directing of activities and the nurturing and disciplining of these children. This finding about stepmothers was somewhat surprising, given that the children's longer term primary ties were to their biological fathers and that most participants only visited their stepmothers and fathers part time when they were minors. One might imagine that in a visitation or coresidential situation with biological fathers and stepmothers, fathers would take the lead over stepmothers in the guiding and care of their children. This did happen for one of the interview participants, Victoria, reflecting an organization of family practices along a biological/step distinction. Yet, gender imbalances in father-stepmother guidance and daily care of children tended to dominate in these interview findings despite biological fathers' longer term relationships and biological ties with their children that their current wives did not have... fathers' work obligations sometimes created situations in which children were left for long periods under the sole care of the stepmother."

Maria Schmeeckle (2007) Gender Dynamics in Stepfamilies: Adult Stepchildren's Views Journal of Marriage and Family 69 (1), 174?189.


Myth -- Single fathers who have more money than single mothers will be better providers of material necessities and advantages for children.

Fact: Children living with custodial fathers are more likely to be without medical insurance.

http://www.census.gov/prod/2003pubs/p60-224.pdf

Fact: "This study uses Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing Study data (N= 1,073 couples) to analyze how mothers versus fathers controlling money affects U.S. children's food insecurity. Results show children are far less likely to experience food insecurity when parents' pooled income is controlled by their mother than when it is controlled by their father or even when it is jointly controlled."

Catherine T. Kenney, Father Doesn't Know Best? Parents' Control of Money and Children's Food Insecurity, Journal of Marriage and Family Volume 70 Issue 3, Pages 654 - 669 (2008)

Fact: Single fathers spend more money than single mothers on eating out, alcohol ,and tobacco, and they spend less on children's education. They also spend a larger portion of their total expenditures on eating out, alcohol, tobacco, and recreation, and a smaller share on children's education.

Ziol-Guest, Kathleen M. A Single Father's Shopping Bag: Purchasing Decisions in Single Father Families, presented atBoston, MA, Population Association of America Annual Meeting, April 2005. Also see: http://www.human.cornell.edu/pam/seminars/ziolguest.pdf Cohort(s): Children of the NLSY79 ID Number: 5042 , pub. by Population Association of America.


Myth -- Post-divorce, children do just as well emotionally in father-custody as in mother-custody.

Fact: "[A]dolescents living in a father-custody household feel more hopeless than adolescents living in a mother-custody family. There is no difference in the effect of sex of the custodial parent between girls and boys. The same-sex hypothesis stating that children are better off living with the parent of the same sex is not supported by these data... [A]dolescents in a father-family perceive less appreciation than adolescents in a mother-family [but this factor] does not seem to have any consequences for the relation between the sex of the custodial parent and well-being...The ...question still needing an answer is why, then, adolescents in father-families suffer more from hopelessness than adolescents in mother-families."

Mieke Van Houtte PhD and An Jacobs, 2004, JOURNAL OF DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE, Volume: 41 Issue: 3, "Consequences of the Sex of the Custodial Parent on Three Indicators of Adolescent's Well-Being:: Evidence from Belgian " 143 - 163

Fact: Remarried custodial fathers are no more involved with their children than they were when married to the children's mothers; while somewhat more involved when still single, when married, they revert back into a pattern of letting the mother-figure in the household rear the children. "Repartnered resident fathers are located in the multidimensional space about halfway between unpartnered resident fathers and resident fathers who are married to resident mothers, indicating that repartnering may pull resident fathers back toward the parenting patterns seen in biological two-parent families."

Daniel N. Hawkins, Paul R. Amato, Valarie King (2006) Parent-Adolescent Involvement: The Relative Influence of Parent Gender and Residence Journal of Marriage and Family 68 (1), 125?136.

Fact: Notwithstanding widespread media disinformation conflating children in mother and father custody as generally suffering detriment that was attributed to their custodial parent's relocation, the actual numbers from Sanford Braver's study of college freshman from divorced families indicated that the most well-adjusted and satisfied children were those in the custody of their mothers whose fathers moved away. Children in the custody of their fathers scored significantly lower on personal and emotional well adjustment than children who remained in the custody of their mothers, had significantly more hostility, and ranked lowest of all groups in general life satisfaction.

See: BRAVER'S ACTUAL FINDINGS, Critique of " RELOCATION OF CHILDREN AFTER DIVORCE AND CHILDREN'S BEST INTERESTS: NEW EVIDENCE AND LEGAL CONSIDERATIONS", http://www.thelizlibrary.org/liz/braver.html

Fact: [A]dolescents from single father households are judged by teachers to be less well behaved and to show less effort in class.  They also score slightly less than their single-mother counterparts on standardized tests, both verbal and math, and are perceived to be less academically qualified for college.  Children raised by single fathers attain on average six months less education.

Downey, D. B., Ainsworth-Darnell, J. W., & Dufur, M. J. (1998). Sex of parent and children's well-being in single-parent households. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60(4), 878-893

Bias: Google search terms "father absence" and research -- 16,300; "mother absence" and research -- 588.

http://www.se-fight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=%22father+absence%22+research&word2=%22mother+absence%22+research (July 30, 2005)


Myth -- "Equality under the law" means that men and women are the same in all ways.

Fact: "Equality" under the law means that WHEN men and women are the same in all ways, the law will treat them that way, and that when they are not, the law will not default to what is characteristic of "man" as the standard. Thus, "equality under the law" means more than merely consideration of each person as an individual. It also means that that "consideration" will not be cast in terms of standards and rights that can attain only to non-gestating human beings. The law will not determine what is "reasonable" with reference solely to what would be "reasonable for a man;" the law will not determine what is "just" by reference solely to what could be "achievable by someone who cannot gestate;" and the law will not ignore reproductive differences between mothers and fathers where they do indeed exist and have effect.

liz


    Also see liznotes:
    MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT FATHERHOOD

    THE NATIONAL FATHERHOOD INITIATIVE
    (there IS no "fatherlessness problem")

    REASKING THE WOMAN QUESTION AT DIVORCE
    by Penelope E. Bryan (contact liz if you have trouble accessing this article)

    ATTACHMENT 101 FOR ATTORNEYS:
    Implications for Infant Placement Decisions
    < Kristen and Willemsen Eleanor>

    Review of Martha A. Fineman's
    THE NEUTERED MOTHER

    The Deliberate Construction of Families Without Fathers:
    Is it an Option for Lesbian and Heterosexual Mothers?
    by Nancy D. Polikoff

    The Alternatives to Marriage Project

    Ann Crittenden's genius:
    THE PRICE OF MOTHERHOOD:

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